Collards are green 

my dog’s name is Blue

and I’m so lucky

to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk

a-flappin in the breeze.

Softer than Blue’s

and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,

which excite me in May.

You ain’t got no scales

but I luv you anyway.

Yo’re as satisfy’n as okry

jist a-fry’n in the pan.

Yo’re as fragrant as “snuff”

right out of the can.

You have some’a yore teeth

for which I am proud.

I hold my head high

when we’re in a crowd.

On special occasions,

when you shave under yore arms,

well I’m in haug heaven

and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work,

they all want to know,

what I did to deserve

such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape

yo’re there fer yore man,

to patch up life’s troubles

and fix what you can.

Yo’re as cute as a Junebug

a-buzzin’ overhead.

You ain’t mean like those far ants

I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth

like a plaid flannel shirt,

you spark up my life

more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight

like a padded gunrack,

my life is complete.

Ain’t nuttin’ I lack.

Yore complexion, it’s perfection,

like the best vinyl sidin’

despite all the years,

yore age, it keeps hidin’.

Me “n” you’s like a moon pie

with a RC cold drank,

we go togetherlike a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate

for a Valentine’s Day,

they git it at Wal-Mart,

it’s romantic that way.

Some men git roses

on that special day

for the cooler at Krogers,

that’s impressive, I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds

from a flea market booth.

“Diamonds are forever”,

they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,

these won’t do.

Cause you’re too special,

you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,

without taste nor odor,

more useful than diamonds….

IT’S A NEW TROLL’N MOTOR!!!