Three things indicate you are getting old said the old, old man” first there is a loss of memory, and I can’t recall the other two

 One way of getting back on your feet is to miss a couple of car payments.

Another sign in a restaurant; “If you want home cooking, stay home”.

If you drive like lightning then don’t wonder If some day You crash like thunder

Great-grandmother had to haul the wash water from the well, but she didn’t have to set up nights figuring out how to meet the payments on the bucket.

 

Just remember, Halitosis is better then no breath at all.

 

 Of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most.  

  

“Holy smoke” the preacher shouted Out he ran and lost his hair Now his head resembles heaven for there ain’t no partin’ there. 

 

 I envy thee little lightening bug You worry not a bit For when the traffic cop comes round You know your tail lights lit.

 Two little fleas together sat and one to the other said “I have no place to hang my hat Since my old dog is dead.

I’ve wondered this world from place to place and further will I roam, and the first dang dog that showes his face,

will be my home sweet home. 

 

    What I would like to see invented is a nonskid crutch tip, I phoned an orthopedic company and asked if they had such a thing. The woman said no, that when it rained all people on crutches fall. 

     

There was a little old lady in the church who would never say anything bad about anybody, ever. Knowing this the pastor one day asked her, “What do you think about the devil?” thinking that surely she would have to say something negative in this case. She replied, “He’s very good at what he does.”