“Attention Patrons:                                

Knives, forks, spoons, ash trays and salt shakers are not medicine, so please don’t take them after meals

       

Three things indicate you are getting old said the old, old man” first there is a loss of memory, and I can’t recall the other two.

   

One way of getting back on your feet is to miss a couple of car payments.  

 

Another sign in a restaurant;

 “If you want home cooking, stay home”.

 

   

The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and out doors with gas. 

  

If you drive like lighting Then don’t wonder If some day You crash like thunder

 

Great-grandmother had to haul the wash water from the well, but she didn’t have to set up nights figuring out how to meet the payments on the bucket  

     

 Just remember Halitosis is better then no breath at all.

      .       

An old timer is one who can remember when a dish washer came free with your marriage license.

       

Old age is golden, so I’ve heard it said But sometimes I wonder, as I get into bed. With my ears in a drawer, and my teeth in a cup And my eyes on the table until I get up. Ere sleep dims my eyes, I say to my self “Is there any thing else I should lay on the shelf”? But I am happy to say as I close my door, My friends are the same, only more even more. When I was young, my slippers were red I could kick up my heels over my head When I grew older my slippers were blue But still I could dance, the whole night thru. Now I am old, my slippers are black I walk to the store, and puff my way back. The reason I know my youth is all spent My get up and go has got up and went. But I really don’t mind, as I reminisce My get up and go gave me such wonderful bliss. Since I am retired from life’s competition. I busy myself with complete repetition. I get up in the morning, dust off my wits Pick up my paper, and read the obits. If my name is missing I know I’m not dead So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.

              

Of all the things I have lost I miss my mind the most.

       

 “Holy smoke” the preacher shouted Out he ran and lost his hair Now his head resembles heaven for there ain’t no partin’ there. 

      

 I envy thee little lightening bug You worry not a bit For when the traffic cop comes round You know your tail lights lit.

       

 Two little fleas together sat And one to the other said “I have no place to hang my hat Since my old dog is dead. I wondered this world from place to place And further will I roam And the first durn dog that shows his face Will be my home sweet home.

       

 What I would like to see invented is a nonskid crutch tip, I phoned an orthopedic company and asked if they had such a thing. The woman said no, that when it rained all people on crutches fall.        There was a little old lady in the church who would never say anything bad about anybody, ever. Knowing this the pastor one day asked her, “What do you think about the devil?” thinking that surely she would have to say something negative in this case. She replied, “He’s very good at what he does.”